Doodlehead's Journal

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24 August 2010

My friend sent me a whole box of incredible chocolate covered strawberries. MY FAVORITE! Juicy ripe strawberries dipped in thick white and dark chocolate. OYE!!! She knows I've been busy and stressed and so her sweet heart just wanted me to take a break to enjoy. The only problem is I will eat that whole box. DH doesn't care for them so they would be all just for me.

I really tried to have them sit in the fridge, but all day I couldn't stop thinking about them. It's one of the top things on my all time favorites list, so I would have one, then wait and then have another, and wait, and try to avoid, which would only make me obsess more. I couldn't take it anymore, I wonder if this is what a drug addict feels like. Anyway, I had to do something to save myself so I decided to walk over to a couple of neighbors and they were MORE than happy to take this burden off of my shoulders. LOL! All gone within a matter of minutes. WHEW! Problem solved.

I felt a little guilty giving much of the gift away, but what I enjoyed the most was her sweet caring heart and so I will take in her intention as the real gift... and that is fat and calorie free.

I look forward to the day that I can say no to my very favorite things, or have them in moderation...I wonder if I will ever have that ability or if I will always have to treat it like a drug.

Time will tell.

24 August 2010

I fell into an old bad habit today! Evil Pizza! I've been slowly sliding back into old habits as work increases and today I skipped lunch trying to meet a deadline and then both DH and I were too hungry to wait and cook (and our fridge is pretty bare as we didn't go grocery shopping to restock on healthy choices) So...Pizza hunted us down and made us eat it...yes it MADE us-- it's all the pizza's fault--- entirely.

Okay, yes, I know, MY fault. I still stayed within my calories, but good god, all fat calories. Blech. I felt a huge difference in my mood and energy level after scarfing it down. What a tanker!

These latest bad habits have just made me stay at the current weight. No gaining at least...not yet.

So I need to get my fighten gloves back on, as I am not surprised by my step backward, but I WILL be surprised if I don't take the steps forward I need.

So tomorrow -- grocery shopping is a must and quick easy healthy snacks like peaches, bananas, almonds or whatever I need to have at my finger tips to prevent what's been happening.

Okay...back up on my feet...again. (Better "again"...than never) and with zero weight gained...so that's good!

17 August 2010

16 August 2010

This is actually August 15th for me.
Fierce cravings, short tempered, extra water weight, cramps..JOYS of mother nature--- she's a BeeeAtch. I just want to hog down some chocolate, give everyone a nasty scowl and curl up in a blanket of self-pity...Oh right...I'm already doing that.

Well, I certainly haven't been eating very well these last couple of days, and I didn't exercise much as my energy felt zapped. Still did a little just to keep it as a habit)

And DH now has a cold so he can't partner up exercise wise -- probably just an excuse to get away from me, as I am quite moody and short tempered right now. Smart move on his part to lay low. I would hide from myself too if I could, but for some reason I just keep following myself around. LOL. Anyway, it's good he's happy doing his man-cave stuff and lets his beast of a wife have her grumpy solitude. A quick hug of support as we pass in the hallway and then off to our respective corners.

I haven't gone crazy with calories, but I have gone over a bit and the type of calories are definitely coma inducers (like a big 'ol burrito!)

So, this has been my first real challenge dealing with Mother Nature and the healthier lifestyle as some months are just harder than others I guess. I see how it just magnifies everything. So, from this point on I will need plan better. Next time as Evil Mother Nature approaches each month, I will stock up on healthy snacks, and a few bad things that won't break the fat bank. Have a few chocolate kisses ready for the maniac cravings and stock up on fruit, and other healthier options.

We'll have to have easy to make meals so I won't fall prey to quick bad fast foods like burritos, Chinese take-out etc.

Lesson learned - I have and may always have some big time weaknesses that I will have to plan for and protect. Cannot get too comfortable, especially in this short amount of time.

Okay, so no more complaining for today...onward!





11 August 2010

Another pound lost Whoohoo! It is also my second day on the second level of Jillian Michaels Shred. It's tough! I need to get a new battery for heart monitor so I can use it because I sometimes feel like I am working it too hard as my heart feels like it will just beat out of my chest, and I just want to fall down and lay on the ground to rest. I'm figuring that it's normal but I need to be sure.

I wonder if working out will always be this miserable. Hopefully, one day when I am at my healthy weight, working out will be hard, but not feel like I'm gonna die every time.

Things were quiet today but I did notice I felt anxious. Don't know why really. Maybe it was too quiet. It's been a stressful year so far, and things are just starting to smooth out (knock on wood) and so maybe I am just waiting for something negative when things are quiet. Not sure really if that is what the anxiousness is about. I'll just have to keep alert to this and figure it out. I can't fix what I am not fully understanding of, so I have to better understand today's feelings.

I did eat more spaghetti than I should have which I think was directly related to my anxious feelings. I haven't felt this "full" since I started this healthy lifestyle, and being this full makes me really tired...too tired to really feel anxious. A calming tool.

So, I'll not get down on myself about the double serving, but instead I will be glad that I am paying close attention to things now so I can make conscious decisions about food in regards to emotion (even the ones I haven't figured out yet).




Doodlehead's Weight History


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