Doodlehead's Journal

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21 July 2010

My journal dates are not correct as I many times enter them in late at night it's already the next date by then. So my journal entries are either doubled or they are meant for the previous day:

Intensely stressful day. I'm tired and emotionally exhausted. Not much to say. I just so desperately want the stress to end. I think things are finally resolved for now, but I am a bit too cautious to hope for that just yet. My father though did sound again so much better, and my mother much more alert as well. I hate Alzheimers with every single cell I have. I wish scientists would hurry up and find a #$%%ing cure. It SUCKS!!

In the meantime, I am staying strong. I exercised this morning and didn't soothe with food. Exercise actually boosts my mood so I don't think I will tire of that even when I am feeling drained.

I did get a split second craving today for McDonalds, but it passed quickly. I am actually struggling to find an appetite right now...but i know that won't last long. It's 1am and I still need to eat dinner. Not good to eat this late, so I'll keep it light and then go to bed.

Long hard day... Please let tomorrow be better. Please.

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20 July 2010

Good God...I hate stress! Well who doesn't. Spent three hours straight dealing with situations regarding my parents health issues. Then I get so behind with my work and stress about making enough $$ to pay the bills. Having my own business where I HAVE to put in hours to keep things going makes the whole thing doubly difficult. And for me, in the past stress equals soothing with food. For some reason this time the stress just makes me want to cry...not eat. So maybe that's a good thing.. if I just get it out, I deal with things correctly-- via feeling stuff, instead of trying to make myself feel better by shoving more than I need in my face, that will be another step to winning this battle with my weight. Not like I really want to feel pain, but that's life. Just deal without a meal!

I wasn't even tempted today when someone offered me junkfood and candy. I refused. How the hell did I do that? I don't have any idea really where any of this most recent strength is coming from. I mean I say alot of things, like I want to fight this fat, and I want to be healthier, but I've said that many times before. But so far...this time feels different. I haven't figured out exactly why but maybe it's because:

I just came to a fork in the road with stress-- either let it devour me, and let my life sink into a dark place, which is where it was headed or find a different way to deal with what life is handing me. Be sad when I need to be and celebrate all the good things-- even when they may seem minor to someone else.

I can celebrate that my father sounded much more alert today, and his memory was coming back. For the first time in a long time my father sounded like his old self. Don't know how long that will continue, but I was grateful for that. I am doing better about not letting the unknowns of tomorrow haunt me, and that is helping me not to stress out and eat.

I also felt proud of yesterday's accomplishments of the herculean bike ride. (herculean for me anyway). I felt so proud not feeling even slightly tempted with the normal sugars during the day. I celebrate that my husband helped me play catchup when I fell behind with the stresses of the day.

AND I lost another pound.

So...what's next?? Who knows. Onward!

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19 July 2010

I rode 20 miles on my mountain bike today. WHAT the ?!! So..um...yeah I think I overdid it a bit for my level of activity. My muscles are just aching now.

It's just that I love mountain biking and yesterday I got a taste of it again and so today, I just rode and rode and rode pushing my husband to go further, even though he warned me of the pain I'll be in. I just pooed pooed him and enjoyed the scenery of the cranes, pelicans, the marshes leading up to the ocean, and we even came across a fox as we mountain biked further into the trail with deeper brush.

I rode until I could just not push it anymore around 10 miles...problem was though...I had to go all the way back even though I was really tired--Another 10 miles to return!

So in a way I discovered a great tool to force myself to work harder!

But I have to admit, my husband was right...I AM in pain. Not horrible, but my legs do ache. I sure hope I won't feel worse tomorrow.

Even though I'm feelin' a bit uncomfortable as a result of pushing really hard, I LOVED today! I was reminded why I love to mountain bike -- being able to take the side trails off the beaten path and see cool things has reignited the fire for this again. I just have to be smart about preventing injuries.

I also feel good because I planned for a good hearty dinner -- a home made recipe of turkey chili. It was absolutely delicious and we could control the calories and fat more. Having a bowl and corn on the cob just hit the spot after a day like today. I didn't even crave my ice cream. I ran out of it yesterday, and normally I would have gone to the store, but tonight I am just pretty tired, no huge craving that a slice of watermelon can't cure.

Tomorrow the rat race begins, busy work day, and I have to deal with some stuff for my parents, but I really like the newest caregiver. She seems amazing and though I know time will really tell (as I have learned) but as of now, I feel positive and hopeful. A huge relief so far.

One of the things I have learned over these last almost two weeks is to make sure to have my meals planned, and then have healthy things available at all times. These are tricks that work for me.

NOTE: I always enter the journal in late at night which seems to enter the journal in for the next day's date. SO the exercise journals and regular journals are a day apart.

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19 July 2010

Slow weight loss, but steady...and most importantly, I'm not starving and miserable.

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18 July 2010

Huge craving for the favorite pizza at Broncos! But I planned well for it! Last night I started thinking about that pizza...that sinful heavenly cheesy pizza with yummy sauce and perfect crust!

So I decided I would have that pizza the next day, however, I would plan for it--I had a very light breakfast and lunch, and then DH and I would drive to the pizza place, then go on a mountain bike ride that would really work us hard.

We rode for an hour, but what the exercise tracker doesn't show is the the steep inclines we had to climb, the rougher terrain that we pedaled through within that hour. Nothing like what I used to do when I was really into that stuff at my healthier weight, but it sure got this chubby gal sweatin' today!

And not only that, I had originally planned on eating three pieces of pizza (as I had such a tiny breakfast and lunch)but I actually got full after ONE piece but kept nibbling on the second until it was all gone. I could have stopped at one piece, but I made the choice not to.

That actually shocked me that I only had two pieces (and could have stopped at one if I really wanted to) Last time I was at that pizza place (before I started this whole new healthy life thing) I could have had at LEAST three pieces plus four pieces of cheesy garlic bread in addition to that.

I feel really good about that! And not only that, we found some amazing new bike trails that we are going to return to tomorrow IF DH bum isn't sore. His behind was so sore (it's been a long time since we mountain biked). The first thing we did after the bike ride was to go get him a softer seat!

Yippee for me today! Yes, I had a fattening pizza, yes it was DELICIOUSLY SINFUL, NO it was not good for me, but I didn't go overboard, and I planned for it calorie and exercise wise. So I feel good about it and now the craving for that pizza has subsided.

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