Janelleas's Journal

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31 January 2009

Diet: I am feeling better about my changes in my eating plan. I feel more at peace with food the last few days. I am listening to my body and if it tells me it is hungry I feed it. I eat my three meals a day and most days include a snack. Now that I am not focused on eating at the "right time" and getting all my snacks in I feel a certain kind of mental freedom. I don't have to think about food til my body tells me to. I have healthy food in the house. I am prepared for healthy meals and snacks whnever called upon, so no problem. We will wait and see what the scale does this week.

Exercise: I have already missed a day of exercise and I might miss one again today. Just been busy and away from the house most of the day. Just here for a short while to journal and then off again to meet up with friends for movie and supper out. Maybe i can get some floor exercises in later tonight.

Tomorrow is Superbowl Sunday and we are going with some new friends (I really like them a lot) to our local casino that is 45 minute drive from here. We are going to place our bets on the game and then partake of the Sunday Champagne Brunch. Then we will head home and meet up with them again at 3pm for the Super Bowl party at their house. It would be another day wasted on finding time to exercise but I already told them about the Super Bowl Challenge I am in and that I will be doing push-ups and jumping jacks each time the Steeler's score. They thought that sounded funny...since they MIGHT be betting on the Steeler's. Kathy said she might even do the same in my Cardinals score. So it looks like exercise will be included in our game day.

All in all I am feeling more at peace with food these last few days. I feel in control and more positive. I lost 3.6 lbs in the last 4 weeks and that is good for me, very good. I hope I can keep that up each week. Leaving for Mexico in April and my birthday is in May and I am really trying to make my goal by birthday. I am staying focused so far.

(7 comments)

28 January 2009

Hello, my name is Janelle and Im a Food-a-holic. I have discovered what I really suspected for a long time and have enough evidence to now state with complete confidence that I am a food-a-holic. I think there is a difference in people just like with alcoholics’s that makes drinking (or in my case eating) a real disorder that other people will never understand. Just like an alcoholic that can not take just one drink, I have found that I cannot eat just one potato chip. Some people can eat one piece of pie and be done, but if the pie is here in my home... it will keep calling me to it until I have consumed an entire pie by the time I go to sleep. If I try to go to sleep with the pie still in existence, it will keep calling to me in my sleep and dreams until I get up and finish the darn thing off.

Recently I have done two liquid fast days within the last month. What I discovered there was that when I left food entirely out of my plans for those days, I had no problem at all. Like an alcoholic that is on the wagon. I knew I was not going to be eating any food that day and discovered that my mind was NOT on food or what I would eat next. I was quite content just drinking my juice and tea. Food was not calling to me, not at all.

FOOD CALLS ME: Once I started back on food again, all plans to stick to my diet went out the window. It isn’t just pie or things like that. It's all food. Healthy food, turkey slices, low fat cottage cheese, I can over-eat anything. I realize that like an alcoholic, I cannot stop with a small serving or a “sensible” serving. I crave more. Overeating has been a problem with me for a lot longer than the weight has been an issue. I remember people commenting on how a small person like me could eat so much. I clean every plate, no matter how much or how big. I have no shut off valve when it comes to food.

DIET DILEMMA: I love the South Beach diet, it has literally saved mine and hubby’s lives, but it calls for eating between meals and the importance of snacks. I know there is much evidence to support how great it is to keep your meals small and include snacks. However... If a person like myself has a problem with control it is like asking an alcoholic to drink ½ a beer and come back and finish the rest tomorrow. Willpower is not the answer, I simply cannot resist for too long without going on a “binge”.

I have thought this over and think I might have a plan that would work for me. Eating trigger’s a “binge” response in me and it is a constant struggle for me to try to avoid eating too much and puts food on my mind all the time, setting me up to binge or keeping my mind occupied with what and when I am going to eat next... I have a plan.

THE PLAN: I remember in “over-eater’s anonymous” that I attended many years ago they had a 3-0-1 plan. 3 meals a day, nothing in-between meals, and One day at a time. I am going to test that plan and see how I feel and how it goes. Then go to three or two meals a day without the snacks. I don’t want to keep thinking about food all day. I will see if it gives me better control if I quit snacking. A “snack” for me will be my teas or light drinks. I think if I cut down the number of times I am faced with taking “just one serving” the better off I might be. I will stick with my South Beach foods and see what happens. Certainly there can be nothing wrong with eating just three meals a day. Our parents and grandparents did it and didn’t have weight issues.

FOOD IS THE ENEMY: I need to learn to eat when I am hungry and not just eat because its snack time or out of habit or some uncontrollable urge to binge. I think being a food-a-holic is making my diet much too challenging. I don’t know when this happened any more than an alcoholic knows when and why it happened to them. I just know that I will now start thinking of myself as a food-a-holic and treat food with a little more reverence. I need to free myself from this addiction. I know that I cannot just live on juice and drinks, but doing the liquid fast made me realize that food is my enemy. The same as alcohol is the enemy of an alcoholic. I need to keep that in mind.

So today is day one of my new plan. Avoid food when possible, no snacking at all, eat 3 times a day when hungry. If not very hungry, eat a “snack” for lunch or dinner. Food will not tempt me more than 3 times a day anymore. I need to get in control.

(14 comments)

26 January 2009

Diet: bad day! almost skipped breakfast but grabbed some cottage cheese, then spent all afternoon "waiting" at eye doctor's office. It was an extremely long wait that went past lunch time and I didn't get out of his office til 4pm. I knew it was trouble when i walked in and saw his large waiting room FULL of people (not usually like that). Then hubby and I went out for mexican and shared a large plate of Nacho's grande. Then got home and had a realy healthy binge on way too much of healthy foods.

Tonight I feel bloated and heavy from all the food I have eaten today.

tomorrow is a new day.

life: Life is good today.

(13 comments)

25 January 2009

Weight: I was so sleepy this morning when I weighed myself that I can't remember the number on the scale now. I'll do it again tomorrow. If my mind is correct... it was either 152.4 (the same as last weigh in) or 154.2 (a gain that would not make sense but happens to me sometimes: Those numbers are so much alike that in my morning fogg I can't remember. Tomorrow is another day.

Life: We met up with some new friends for breakfast out this morning. I ate a sensible omlette and gave hubby the muffin that came with it. Im concerned a little about my "attitude" towards friendhips, in that I am so comfortable with just hubby and I going out and doing things together that I sometimes don't cultivate friendships the way I should. I seem to enjoy the two of us more than going out with others... does that mean I am getting too set in my ways? could I become a hermit type person? Every thing I read says the more friends you have the better your mental and physical health. Am I becoming someone that doesn't like to compromise for friends that have other ideas of a fun time? Seems our friends like things like having Sunday breakfast at 6:30 am... and driving 2 hours to look around a swap meet. I think I need to try to stay open to those things more but its not easy doing things for the social aspect of it, when there are other things I think are a lot more fun but they are not interested in... like I care about swap meets and breakfast at 6:30 am. I am sure they must be compromising too, it just doesn't feel like it. I suppose it is good for my soul to continue to compromise for the sake of friendships. Just makes me miss my long time friend more, we liked all the same things so there was never any need to compromise.

(12 comments)

22 January 2009

Weight & Diet: I am so proud of myself. After being gone on our Casino Trip to Lauglin, Nv, I came home with slightly more than half a pound loss! 152.4 lbs today and I was 153 lbs when I left. Six days of eating out in restaurants and being in a car all day for three of those days and I have a loss this week, old hypothyroid menopausal me!! I stayed focused on my new “mantra” thoughts telling myself each time food or meal time approached that “I want to be thin and I want to reach my goal” over and over. The restaurant we seemed to eat at the most because it was less crowded and convenient was “Coco’s” which has pictures of pie and bakery goods all over the menu and table and includes many of those cinnamon rolls and things of that nature with some of their breakfast plates. I ended up eating a lot of Omelettes since they serve breakfast 24 hrs a day. The menu was not diet friendly and I am now really tired of Omelettes but proud of myself for sticking to my plan to reach goal. I also told them to leave the potatoes and toast off my plate but sometimes it arrived anyway and I did not eat them. I am doing the Happy Happy Joy Joy Dance!

Exercise: I discovered that I have turned into a person that actually “needs” some activity every day. After being in a car all day when we stopped at a hotel for the night I really needed to do some stretching and some calisthenics like lunges and jumping jacks sort of things to help me get some of the old stiffness out of my bones and back. It felt good to be able to move around. While we were at the Casino hotel it was cold and windy but not nearly as cold and windy as it is here at home, so no one wanted to go with me but I took off and walked along the “river walk” and was glad to be alone because I could go faster and farther than either my hubby or BF would have gone. It actually felt good and I actually ENJOYED the brisk walk. I actually walked further and longer than I had planned. Who is this new person inside me that feels the need to move ?!

Emotionally: Getting to spend time with my long time best friend (32 yrs we have been friends and neighbors) was the greatest emotional booster shot ever! There is nothing that compares to having a good friend that shares so much history with you. Our favorite saying is that one about “A friend will come bail you out of jail, but a BEST friend will be sitting beside you saying “Darn that was fun”! I miss her every day and thank goodness we are able to travel and visit each other. My BF here is just okay, she has never had a friend as long as she has had me for a friend (8 yrs) and she grew up here, she has no old school friends or anything, just me for the last 8 yrs. I can see the reason why her hubby told me that she never keeps a new friend more than a couple months, she just doesn’t “get it” about friendship being giving respect to each other.

(11 comments)

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