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kziemianski
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23 August 2011
Taking a slightly longer than necessary lunch at work. Sat outside in the incredibly strong wind for a while and relaxed. I don't do that enough. Did it a lot this weekend though and I think I want to work it into my life again more. Nature is awesome.
Talked to the BF last night for 2 hours straight. I worked hard to listen to all of his fears and ideas as well as share my own. It went well. It was the first time in a long time that when I got off the phone with him I felt good. When I woke up today I still felt good. Part of everything going on is me dealing with myself as a person. I'm learning that I don't have to feel guilty for being happier living alone. I'm trying to let go my negative feelings towards myself so that I can actually see the love that I do have for other people. Funny, people say that you can't love someone until you love yourself all the time and I always figured that I loved myself. I guess I do, I just never forgive myself. And that's what I'm learning.
These next two weeks will be great if everything keeps going the way it is. Going to have a short day at work on Thursday for a couple of appointments. Flying to Seattle on Saturday. Short week next week having Monday off for Seattle. Nonpoint concert next Thursday with a couple of Dans. And I might call in Friday just because I can. Then a trip to the BFs to determine where to go from here. It pretty much all comes down to me finding a job in Ohio. And now... well... I'm looking but I'm also looking elsewhere.
My next goal is to get back into working out. Again. This I think can happen :)
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22 August 2011
So my roller coaster of emotions has yet to stop. Yesterday was relaxing when it wasn't upsetting. I've been working really hard to listen to everything the BF has to say without being judgmental. I'm reading this fantastic book called "The Ethical Slut" that's really opened my mind about how to communicate. The main focus of the book is dealing with non-monogamous relationships BUT it helps navigate the emotions of every relationship. Face it, there's always going to be jealousy, conflict, and sadness that go hand in hand with love and happiness. I definitely recommend it. It's really well written and really funny at times.
So I'll read a couple of chapters in this book and get really calm and at peace then talk to the BF and get really frustrated and upset. That was yesterday's cycle. Today I'm just sad. I've told the BF multiple times that I'm not happy with one thing he's been doing and then he does it again. And again. I try to compromise and work around him but he doesn't. He said he's finally learned that he needs to work to keep me. He obviously hasn't. I know he's not doing this thing to hurt or upset me but it's disrespectful to continue when I've mentioned that it does.
Chin up and back to work.
<iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ed7b733KmGI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
This singer is a creeper but it's a good song. Also, if a question arrives because of the video I'm NOT suicidal but apparently the guy that made the video was.
(9 comments)
19 August 2011
Had my cranky pants on this earlier this morning but I have since taken them off. Now I am running around freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! LOL. It probably has something to do with my NyQuil hangover wearing off.
I've been slacking a lot this week and I'm not upset at myself for it. But I am starting to miss working out in the morning and not eating snacks all the time. It will be good to get back into the swing of things. I'll give myself until Monday though because this weekend is really going to be up in the air. I'm not planning a "spike" day though. But I'm sure I'll do some drinking and eating out which will put me in a higher calorie consumption than normal.
OK, I have two health questions for anyone who feels like answering. First health question: I fell on my hand about two weeks ago when I was playing Ultimate. I didn't hear anything funny and I can still use it normally. But it still hurts quite a bit if I hit it funny. (generally I notice when I put gloves on or off) Should I go get it looked at? Second health question: I've been sitting on my yoga ball at my desk for almost a month. My back still gets really tired and sore after sitting for a few hours. Is my back really that weak or am I sitting wrong?
Any opinions out there?
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18 August 2011
So I've decided that this week is pretty much gonna be a wash. When I get sick, even a little bit, I don't have motivation to diet. Sometimes I still work out, although probably not this week. Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to go gorge myself on everything but I'm probably just going to have a "maintenance week." So far I'm averaging 1800 cals a day. So that's alright I guess.
My BF didn't call last night or this morning. Which is weird to me because I figured we'd be spending all of last night on the phone talking out issues that we hadn't had time to cover the last two days. He had been at a work conference Monday and Tuesday. I guess I could have called him? But I had called him in the morning yesterday and with being sick I took NyQuil around 8 and fell asleep waiting for him to call. Since he sometimes doesn't get out of work until 8 I figured he was running behind. Apparently that was not the case. Anyway... if he's doing this because he wants me to think about him it's working. Now I'm a little worried about him. But I'm also a little angry. Emotions are stupid.
Friday Eve! And that's something to feel good about :)
(6 comments)
17 August 2011
Quick entry for now.
Went and saw Volbeat last night. So good! Went with a new concert buddy. He's a friend's brother - although now it looks like he's also a friend. As for most metal shows it really revitalized me. I'm glad I had the opportunity to recharge with all this BF stuff going on.
Was in a GREAT mood this morning, didn't even feel tired with the lack of sleep. Wasn't even upset that I'm definitely getting a cold. How am I getting a cold? It's mid-august.... Anyway. Called the BF on the way to work (as per-usual) and kind of fell out of my good mood. He doesn't want the family friend to come up this weekend (and I guess that's fair since I've had a crush on him forever) but he won't just come out and say it. Just tell me no. So instead I have to listen to his passive-aggressive way of telling me. But I don't care. I'm not telling him he can't come visit now, it's already wednesday.
We're playing stupid games with each other. I hate it. I hate mind games. So again I'm rebelling. It's not working out so hot. Can I just go back to the great mood I was in when I was thinking about being slammed into people at Volbeat?
Happy Hump Day all!
<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/F6YobaqDi6U" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> ^Totes my theme song.
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