smashgrl's Journal

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20 September 2008

My breakfast was a smashing success!! Still riding the wave :)
I have been following my new way of eating extremely well. Still no white junk in my diet--my energy is through the roof and I feel wonderful.
My mood is much better--feels more stable every day.
I went for a 2 hour hike with my hubby and poodle this am then had a nap this afternoon--ohhhh life is great!
I am not feeling deprived at all--I just keep thinking--calories in--calories out.
I am thinking alot about the future..how long will it take to hit my goal..what will it be like?

I'm pretty quick at catching myself at saying--live in this day Bonnie!
Just don't overeat today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

It's a great day!

(3 comments)

20 September 2008

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
107.5 kg	5.0 kg	30.4 kg	Reasonably Well

Add Comment Losing 3.2 kg a Week

18 September 2008

Today is a big day for me! I have been organizing a "recovery awareness breakfast" for the past few months and it happens today! It is 5 am and I couldn't sleep so decided to weigh myself--I can't believe I am down 9 lbs--I'm over the moon!!
I went out with friends for dinner last night and then to see the movie "The Women" I had such a wonderful time and I noted that I had a lovely salad with dinner and NO popcorn or treats during the movie and I survived! haha..I didn't think it was possible to watch a movie without popcorn saturated in butter ;)
I feel wonderful today even though I am very nervous about this event this morning. The media will be there and our local television station is taping the entire breakfast--I mentioned to a colleague that the camera adds 10lbs..her response was --where black..all black! is there any other colour???

I have been very good about asking the question "Will this feed my spirit?" before eating--amazing experience--when I wait and listen..I am so connected to my body--a relationship I have rarely experienced!

I want to wish anyone reading this and myself-a joyous day filled healthy and spirit sustaining eating!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
108.4 kg	4.1 kg	31.3 kg	Reasonably Well

(2 comments) Losing 9.5 kg a Week

16 September 2008

I had an amazing day yesterday!!
I was disciplined and if anything--did not eat enough food--which I have to watch out for. Once I remove the "white" stuff (flour & sugar) my cravings drop to nothing and I have to remember to eat --except for on weekends--haha.

I went to Tai Chi last night and had to sit on the couch for meditation while everyone else sat on little cushions on the floor. I had a flash of self pity but reminded myself that one day I will sit on a cushion too--that as long as I keep going things will get better.

This weightloss journey is more than just weight for me--it is about learning to love and accept myself just as I am.
No easy trip for a girl like me but I'm a willing to fight for it.
I remember reading somewhere that I have chosen to be fat because if I made a choice to be thin..I would not have engaged in a fat lifestyle.
I know all the reasons for weight--from protecting myself to low self esteem..to filling a void inside my spirit.
I will be honest--the prospect of being goal weight makes me go ..agggg--but I know it is one day at a time..not just for the weight loss but for the acceptance of self.
I can handle today--keep yesterday where it belongs and don't skip into tomorrow and I will be a sunflower!!

I wanted to share that I had lunch with a new friend yesterday--she has lost an enormous amount of weight and is quite an inpiration for me. We talked about weight and self image and she recently had surgery to remove excessive flesh from her weightloss (20lbs of it). I realize that my journey must be a priority for me or else I slip back into denial and unconscious eating--I disconnect from my body --I want to stay connected today!!

Here I go....

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15 September 2008

I want to just cry at this very moment as I say outloud that I weighed myself last month and weighed in at ....ohhh...drum-roll....fear expression..*gulp* 248lbs.

Yes, that is the truth. I have hidden for so long. I don' want to hide anymore.

I could blame it on many things and I know many factors have impacted my health.
Chronic pain, loss, meds, bad food choices, quit smoking 5 months ago--- fear of life!

I have chosen fat smashers for my weight loss program.
Oh yeah! I have tried so many diets but feel hopeful about this one.
Atkins was too much for me..when I listen to my body--it doesn't like all that meat.

I am currently taking vitamins to help restore my health and it has worked!
I am feeling better than ever.
***
I am spending time being honest with myself about why I hide behind weight--why it is okay on some level to be overweight. I have been reading other people's blogs and become so inspired--I want mine to be inspiring too.
I wish I had a picture but I don't..I'm too embarrassed to have pics taken.
That makes me sad that even any part of me would be embarassed about me ;) if that makes sense.
I love and accept myself just as I am. My body restores itself to it's natural and healthy state and weigh.
My mantra ;)

I haven't told anyone how much I weigh right now--I posted it on a weightloss site I found because I knew I had to say it out loud. I have said it outloud now--248!!
and losing ;)

I'm actually excited to get to 230--hha--who would have thought that. I remember the last time I went to weight watchers--I was so low because I weighed 228 --oh I wish!
Just hits home..there is no standing still--either gaining or losing...which one do I want now?
LOSING!!

I am having lunch with a new friend who has lost an extreme amount of weight and looking forward to connecting --I haven't been able to get her out of my mind for the last 3 months so finally asked her out for lunch.

I want to say that I miss feeling alive and sensual--tears come to my eyes when I think about this weight gain and what it has been robbing me of.

I plan on writing in here as often as I need to ..good and bad--highs and lows.

So, off I go!!

(3 comments)

smashgrl's Weight History

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