jsfantome's Journal

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03 January 2013

Just a short journal entry this morning...before heading out to Curves. Been faithful w/ my eating, water, exercise...so all things are starting to turn. Bloat is leaving (water weight coming off) and energy returning! YeeeeHa!

Will be back later to catch up! Much Love.

(10 comments)

02 January 2013

I have to journal early this morning, today...as I am headed out to volunteer in our church office today. Then home to run my youngest son to work - then - I am going to Curves to sign up again!

Why am I writing that? Because my brain wants to try to talk me out of it. My lazy self thinks I could do the same things at the 'cheaper' gym and it'll all be good. Well, I've been trying on my own to succeed at the local gym...and I just don't get the results I am looking for.

Call me 'Exercise Stupid'... that's ok... but I have TRIED! Seriously. I just don't seem to find the right exercises, or amounts, or the right balance...maybe I don't work the muscles hard enough...maybe I work them too hard!!!! I don't know, but I never ended up 'toned'.

The one thing I did do, when I used to go to Curves years ago... was end up 'almost blindly' - in the BEST SHAPE of my life.

So - whether I have to spend a bunch of extra (I don't have to spend) money to get where I want to go... or not... I AM GOING! And I will and am committing to go for 6 months, before I re-evaluate my choice.

My birthday is in six months. (the very beginning of July). If all things go according to plan...I plan to ROCK OUT MY 50th BIRTHDAY - FOR ME!!!

A brand new wardrobe! A 'makeover' hairstyle'!! A 'girls' trip with my favorite cousin!!! And a brand new convertible!

My husband raised a few eyebrows at this plan :) But then he said YES!

So I am going for it... and I will ... WILL... I say WILLLLLL make it to my goals!

Ok, off to the races... let the day begin!

Much Love

(16 comments)

01 January 2013

I love a NEW YEAR! (particularly here in New England). I am looking out my window to cold winter's morning... the sun is shining off the thin layer of snow, all the leaves are gone from the trees, and the 'newness' of spring awaits! But we all have to go thru some 'dead' periods in our lives to begin to see new growth. There is alot of work going on - on the inside of me - just as there is in the earth outside my window. And in a few short months the grass will begin to turn green again, the trees will bud, and the guy up the street will be down here to plow the field next to my house! Seasons...give me the right perspective to make some changes.

I will be laying the ground work in the next few months. I have already started with the obvious. Back to eating strictly low carb. And - I must say, starting to feel better physically.

I will be joining back at Curves tomorrow. I really didn't want to justify the expense... HOWEVER... sometimes you have to be honest with yourself. YES, I know I could make headway at the gym (which is cheaper). But I haven't. And I know that I need to be exercising to reach my goals. But I'm not. SOOOO, since I can look back and know that the one time in my life that I felt like I had been in the best shape of my life, was when I went to curves... I am going back. I don't care if it's boring. It produces results. And I don't care about the cost...as the cost to re-gaining the weight has been unbearable! So... a new me, for a new year! It's worth it. I'm worth it.

So while the earth slows down to recouperate from a fruitful harvest of fall... while it dies to some old ways, to regenerate itself for the new growth of Spring... I will also die to some old ways. And I will also begin the prep work necessary for spring growth!

Only my 'growth' won't be in the upwards direction on the scale. Nope, my growth chart will look more like - satisfaction. Hope. Joy. Acceptance. Appreciation. Confidence. Beauty. Love.

Hope you are ready for a kick-ass NEW YEAR... cause if you are in need of an ass kicking... I'm here for ya! No excuses. Get mad. Then get even. Focus on what is deep down inside pulling at you... and if you want to change... then make the decision.

The rest (how to) is information. And that - can be found and used. But you have to settle the 'internal' decision for yourself. Can't do that for you. But I have done it for myself again. And I am so happy I have!

Much Love... and we're off!!!! 2013 Here We Come!

(9 comments)

31 December 2012

One of the best parts of using this website, (for me)- is the ability to journal. Just completed my weigh in ... and I am speechless. But I knew it was in this neck of the woods. Yesterday, I had to waste money and go out and buy 1 Large and 2 XL pairs of workout pants...as everything I currently own is a medium. (THAT was not fun.) But no tears, and no whining... just literally pulled up my big girl panties and recommitted my focus.

I made some mistakes. And I've had some darn good reasons. But then - who doesn't? And I have figured out I can fix those mistakes. I don't have to just spiral all the way back to where I came from. Nope. This will be a year for the record books...because this year:

I will make lasting changes...that work for me, for my body, for my real way of living.

I will reach out for help when (or if) I become totally overwhelmed.

I will treat my body and my lifestyle with the utmost respect.

And I will live my life - and not give two hoots in @$%& - what anyone else thinks about 'me'.

The biggest reason that is important, is because I am a good person. A loyal and faithful wife, a loving and supportive mother... a trusted and dear friend. You either like me for 'me'... or you don't... but my jeans size has absolutely nothing to do with it.

So if I could, I would reset my 'goal weight' to be blank. Cause I don't know exactly what that is yet. But this site doesn't allow for that. However, my brain does!!! I know a lot of people who would think that is ridiculous. "Not have a set and particular goal"... crazy!

NO IT'S NOT!

It's freedom. And I have already decided that the 'gains' will end...and the 'losses' will again commence. So, where I go from here, will be determined by what I want for myself. How I feel on the inside. How comfortable I am in my own skin. And that part of the process will start right along with the weight loss... not waiting to work on 'me' until I get to some arbitrary goal weight.

I am excited!!! Not that I am happy about the weight gain... but I am prepared to move forward. And that is always the best feeling. To get the 'mental' attitude working in synergy with the physical... YEAH!!!

To a New YEAR!!! - I welcome the NEW ME!!!
Happy New Year!
Much Love
Paula

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
76.2 kg	0 kg	12.7 kg	Poorly

(16 comments) Gaining 0.4 kg a Week

30 December 2012

Hey Ya'll - I know...thought I fell off the planet, huh? Me too!!! You can run, but you can't hide from weight gain. Or depression. Or grieving.

I am - without a doubt - a no excuses kinda person. So, rather than come here day in and day out, with no explanation of why I'd given up on myself... I just did... I stopped coming.

BIG MISTAKE!

I stopped weighing in... BIG MISTAKE.

I stopped caring... BIG MISTAKE.

I lingered in my own pity party until now... I don't even want to weigh in. But tomorrow morning will be my turning point. Can't be real without real information!!!

Going back on Atkins - low carb eating made me feel the best overall physically, and mentally. It's a rough road for the first few days, but I will stick it out.

I have some changes I need to make around here... more mentally than anything. This is the year I choose to make me the priority I have always deserved to be. And if life is kind...the rest of those who live around me, and profess to love me... will love me more when I learn to love myself. And if they are too stubborn, or selfish, or focused in their own little worlds to recognize this is long OVERDUE... then they will learn to make some changes without me.

This is my life, too! And I have sacrificed the last 25 years (or longer really) to being a mother, a wife, a friend... to everyone but me. It's time. Time to make friends with myself. And learn to enjoy this life I have.

It's no longer about vanity. Or jean sizes. Or looking sexy for hubby, or any of that crap!

It's about feeling good in my own skin. Being proud of me. Energetic, lively, intentional...special... just because I am!

Hope you are all doing well. Sorry to have been gone so long...will try to catch up!

Much Love to you All - Paula

(9 comments)

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