Sheonamcc's Journal

Whatever happened to body confidence?

Feeling self-conscious of your body can be terribly destructive. It can range from simply covering up at the beach to feeling so ashamed that you can barely bring yourself to leave the house for fear of being seen in public. It's crippling.

I've certainly endured my fair share of pain through a lack of confidence in going outside in public looking like this. I hate shopping, I hate fashion, I avoid pub and clubs because I don't want to be surrounded by skinny chicks, and my style is very conservative. I even feel ashamed to be seen by my partner, who insists he thinks I'm wonderful the way I am.

Body confidence and youngsters

What I find really heartbreaking though, is when I look back at photos of me in my teens. I remember feeling truly awful about my body, hating how I looked, wishing I could look beautiful like the other girls, feeling FAT. I remember having these feelings when I was only 13 years old. Worse still, is that any half-hearted attempt I made to find something I liked about my body was instantly stamped down.

I wasn't fat.

That's the kicker. Not only was I not fat, but I wasn't ugly either. I mean don't get me wrong, I wasn't super-model material or anything. I was, however, a normal girl who was pretty enough and healthy before I started trying silly starvation diets. Why on earth did I not appreciate what I had at the time?

I'll tell you why - society tells us it's wrong to be content with just being normal. We're bombarded with images of the perfection we're supposed to achieve from such an early age that we have no hope of holding onto the truth that we are wonderful just as we are. We live in a society obsessed with achieving physical perfection, and those perpetuating the issue are making some serious money out of people's struggle to attain this perfection (FYI, this is the reason I refuse to pay out for any food or other product clearly aimed at the dieting masses...I will not fund such destructive industries). It should not be allowed to continue.

The video below was something I came across recently that rather aptly sums up the image fed to us by the media, in my opinion. It really made me stop and think about what we're letting these companies do to both our children and ourselves:

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DnJQJFlyDGY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Weight is only really one part of the story. Nevertheless, how can we possibly expect people to lose weight successfully and healthfully if we continue to guilt them into still feeling bad about their body? This will only lead to more overweight people losing a significant amount of weight only to become anorexic or bulimic instead. How are we supposed to know when to stop, if we're still being told that we're not good enough and that we need their products to keep going? It's dangerous stuff.

Learn to have a healthy body image

Thankfully there are people who are trying to fight back against the media & diet industries' portrayal of perfection to which your average man and woman is expected to aspire. There was even a recent article that hit the headlines called "Plus Size Models: What is Wrong with them Anyway?" which sparked many discussions on healthy body images.

However, I think the best way to reclaim your body is to take a realistic look at what a normal body is. Admittedly it's not often we get a very good look at an "average" body, but when we get the opportunity to look at normal, everyday people we can suddenly see the wide variety of body shapes and body types out there in the world...all of them beautiful. It's somehow easier to see the beauty in someone else than it is in ourselves of course...

Which is why I recommend visiting My Body Gallery: What Real Women Look Like. It is seriously one of the best websites I have ever come across and I keep going back to it again and again. Basically, the site is just pictures of normal women's bodies. You can even submit your own, it's anonymous. The huge array of pictures of normal bodies is a wonderfully refreshing change from the airbrushed, flawless models that we normally see.

Now here's the clever part...you can put in a height, weight and body shape and see what real women matching those stats actually look like! I've done it for my start weight, my goal weight, my current weight, and every variation I can think of in between! Honestly, I love it. You seriously have to give it a go. Well, unless your male. The project is in its infancy and only covers female bodies at present so the gentlemen of FS will have to look elsewhere for a candid portrayal of the male form. Sorry guys! :/

Anyway, it strikes me that I've never truly realised what my body looked like to other people. Particularly now that I've lost 60lbs, I seem even more confused than ever about the reality of my body. I keep thinking I'm much bigger than I am and struggle to even recognise myself in photos because I'm looking for something completely different! However, My Body Gallery has shown me that not only are all these other women beautiful, but helped me realise that I actually look like that too.

I think it's hugely important to have a realistic, healthy body image. Having a distorted view of our own body is only going to make our journeys towards better health much more difficult. How awful would it be to finish the journey and still feel just as bad about your body??? We should appreciate all our good points, no matter what size or shape we are, and understand the difference between faked "perfection" and real beauty.

So I urge you to take just a few minutes out of your day to visit this awesome site and understand the natural diversity in bodies that should be appreciated and celebrated.



PS - thank you to the anonymous girl of my height and shape who submitted a photo of herself to My Body Gallery showing the loose skin around her stomach (clearly the result of extensive weight loss). You have no idea how much you've helped me. I now realise that I can still be beautiful, even if left with the scars of obesity. I may never be "perfect", but I would be over the moon if I looked as beautiful as you. Thank you.

Self-love is vital for health

When asked about what I would pick as the number one change that has made the biggest impact on my journey I usually cite motivation. However it doesn't matter how good your motivations are; you're going to seriously struggle if you have a poor relationship with yourself.

This is where I give you guys the full disclosure. I have suffered from mental health problems over a significant period of my life, and this includes some pretty severe episodes of depression. I don't normally like to talk about this stuff online, but the reason I feel it's important is because I think it's another piece of the weight jigsaw. Also I should add that I now have my conditions very much under control - they don't control me and they most certainly don't define me.

However, previously I hated myself. Deeply hated myself. I used to say that if I could leave myself, I would...obviously not an option. I would have given anything to be someone else just so I didn't have to be around me anymore. Of course the worse I felt, the less able I was to control anything in my life, including my weight. That amount of hatred directed towards yourself might be pretty extreme, but an unhappiness with the self is sadly a common occurrence these days.

This is what makes me so angry about attitudes towards weight. The media's constant obsession with the "obesity epidemic", doctors not treating patients properly because they can't see past a person's weight, and the attitudes of the general public towards people who are overweight amounts to, in my opinion, discrimination and a despicable hate culture. Even worse, it's an accepted and possibly even encouraged discrimination. Society today makes people hate themselves because they don't fit the ideal.

News Flash: body dissatisfaction does not motivate healthy behaviours.

In fact, all this fuss made about how people absolutely have to fit into the social ideal of a perfect body is quite possibly having the opposite effect than the one intended. It makes people feel bad about themselves, and this can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and ultimately to weight problems. I've never understood why excessive weight due to overeating isn't classed as an actual eating disorder, as it's the same self-loathing that fuels both emotional over-eating and conditions like anorexia and bulimia. The current culture of fat phobia and ill-informed efforts to "manage weight" are part of the problem. Frequent dieting is actually likely to result in you weighing more, not less.

Unfortunately, the obsession with weight in Western culture is not about concern for health. It is about undue preoccupation with achieving the "right" appearance, and a willingness to risk health and a balanced life in an effort to accomplish that look. This is not what we should be aiming to achieve. We should be encouraging health of body and mind, regardless of whether that makes us size 6 or size 14 (or potentially larger? Skinny does not automatically equal healthy, after all).

I would argue that, to achieve optimal health, we need to learn to love ourselves. It is only by loving our body that we can develop a strong desire to change habits and seek out new ways to enhance our health and ultimately our enjoyment of life.

Homework!

It is possible to learn to love yourself, despite what society tells us. Every single one of you has something worth loving.

I would urge each and every one of you to pick some things you love about yourself. Even if you're at the start of your journey, there is no reason why you can find the beauty in yourself. These should be both physical attributes and personality traits. Write them down, share them, keep them private, whatever makes you happy. Just make sure you do it!

For example, when I was 277lbs this is what I found I loved about myself:

1. My long hair, which is soft and shiny and in good condition
2. My overall hourglass shape, despite my weight
3. My wrists, which have always been small (at 6 inches) even when at my peak weight
4. My straight white teeth. Good for smiling :)
5. My compassion for others
6. My ability to help others selflessly without even thinking twice


This is what I love about myself at 217lbs:

1. All of the above.
2. My neck, which now has a little bit of definition.
3. My collarbone, which is just starting to appear. I just love how it feels and find myself touching it often!
4. My calves, which look much more shapely and have some definition.
5. The muscles in my arms, which again are starting to show signs of toning.
6. My positivity. I feel like an extremely happy, well-balanced individual that always looks for the silver lining .
7. My desire to help others feel as good as I do.


Sure, there are still things I don't like about myself. It's only natural, especially after society has tried to condition us to hate ourselves. Now, however, I can focus on all the great stuff that I do like, which actually extends beyond the lists provided above.

I promise you, when you learn to love yourself everything else gets much, much easier. Ignore the media. Ignore the fat-bashers. Ignore anyone who puts you down. Taking this journey to a healthier and happier you will make you a more well-rounded, sensitive individual with a deeper understanding of life that will make you more beautiful than the haters could ever hope to be, and that's the truth.

So go make your lists, my pretties! :D