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I have totally gone backward. So disappointed. Got back from a a very hard two weeks, and felt emotionally and physically drained. Did what I could with exercise, but didn't do much the first week back as all I wanted to do was sleep--- total mope train-energy drain. Didn't gain weight at all while I was gone because I didn't have time to eat!'
Then when I finally got my act together, I was soooo behind in work and now I am working so hard to catch up. Not exercising, not watching my diet, just doing the same'ol same 'ol of working and stuffing my face when I was hungry while working.
I'm supposed to be forgiving of myself, but really, I could just kick my own ass right now. All I care about is catching up with work and nothing else matters. It is my livelyhood so I get why I have to catch-up, and if that means working all waking hours for the next few weeks, then that's fine. I just don't know how to fit in eating right and exercising into this. Emotionally, I feel like working out and fixing healthy meals gets in my way due to the time it takes, even though I know logically, that can't be right.
What is my problem?! I am all bent out of shape and not easy to be around right now, and I have a package of zingers waiting for me in the kitchen to soothe during a work break. GRRR! Evil of me.
I keep thinking once I catch up, I'll have time to focus on myself again. It's a strange survival workaholic mode that I am in and I need to figure out a healthier way to deal with this. (the fact I took time out to even write this journal surprises me)
I was so happy because people were telling me they could see my weightloss, and even my mother told me that she thought I was beautiful (even though I still have plenty of weight to lose), but I am sabatoging it and have gained 2 pounds already. Gack!
Obviously working like a freak doesn't help in the long run,and I HAVE to find a balance even while I am catching up otherwise I will be back where I started and starting was the hardest part! The other issue is I am an admitted emotional eater, and so if I am stressed about not getting everything done---need to make $$ to live, then I will eat sweets and things that make me feel comfort. So while I am taking a break from work, I feel anxious--- hence desire to comfort eat.
I am torn between getting my business back in order(as it pays the bills)and taking time to exercise and cook/eat right. I know I will get back to a healthy start, it's just I worry how far I will digress before I get back!
Oye!
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