MusicBox's Journal, 20 Apr 12

It is really difficult to come to terms with the fact that I am fat. I haven't been fat for years! And now, no matter how much resolve I think I have, I always end up eating too much and making myself feel bad; it's a vicious cycle. So, I have been refusing to record my weight here because it appalls me. I don't want to have to type that number. It's so dumb; not acknowledging it doesn't make it untrue. I am indeed fat. And I know that my body is trying to recover from a couple years of birth control hormones but I can't deal anymore. I started exercising this week. I know it's only been a few days but I was really counting on the encouragement that comes from seeing results early. Instead, I have put on weight this week!! How is that possible? I haven't been dancing at all the last few months and I guess it's not only making me fat, it's making me sad, I miss it SO much!
This year is flying by and I don't want to look back on it and see a blob. This is normally where I start to plan unrealistic goals and strategies for immediate and drastic weight loss but this time it seems futile. (Man I'm a downer today...) It's going to be a busy day so all I will commit to is to drink as much water as possible. Tomorrow we're going to a wedding so I will need to watch the calories carefully! Also, it would be good to get more fruit and veggies sometime today??? Not sure if that will happen.
Oh my goodness! I just weighed in :( yuck!

62.3 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 8.3 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.

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1205 kcal

Fat: 47.43g | Prot: 38.59g | Carbs: 159.37g.   Breakfast: bacon back, mayonnaise, rye bread, Coffee with Milk and Sugar. Lunch: Pork and Beef Sausage, Lamb Chop (Lean Only Eaten), Potato Salad Side Dish. Dinner: Peach Juice, Coffee with Milk and Sugar, Cream Cheese, Mayonnaise, Toasted Rye Bread, Fruit Jelly Beans, Oil Popped White Popcorn. Snacks/Other: Soft Granola Bars. more...

2508 kcal

Exercise: Driving - 30 minutes, Housework - 4 hours, Walking (brisk) - 6.5/kph - 1 hour and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 4 hours and 55 minutes, Desk Work - 5 hours. more...