Yurtgirl2000's Journal

Yurtgirl2000's Profile | Weight History

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13 April 2013

maybe i'm just not cut out for this stuff. i'm seeing a dr next week for a physical. i may ask about a shrink for my emotional/binge/closet/stress eating. i'm fine at the house all day when i'm busy but the drive thru after work, the drive thru frosties and shakes are all killing me. I literally have arguements with myself when i think about doing it, as i'm doing it and after i'm doing it while I'm eating the stupid food. I have managed to talk myself out of it quite a few times but not enough to make much difference.
stress eating: after a long 12-14 hrs at work where i pack only healthy options, i love, love, love to hit a drive thru for something, anything bad to eat on the way home. by the time i'm home, i'm relaxed and ready for bed. i then eat a handful of tictacs so my beau doesn't know i've just inhald 2 orders of onion rings from Arby's or a large fries from McDonalds.
cravings: i hide somewhere in the house, usually the basement while i'm on the computer with a pint of something sweet and cold. I have given up the Ben and Jerry's coz 1200 calories is wayyy too much for one sitting. Now i've been doing the 400 calorie pints of sorbet. sugar, i gots to have it.
i don't know. is it worth it? the beau says he loves me anyway. but i don't. i don't feel sexy so it doesn't happen and that's such a waste. my beau is very handsome and i am very attracted to him. its just tough when this belly and butt are in the way.
sigh.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
84.4 kg	0 kg	14.1 kg	Poorly

(3 comments) Gaining 0.0 kg a Week

19 January 2013

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Well, today, the first day of the rest of my life, I did my first beginner workout on my new Total Gym. It seemed very easy, actually. But I am going to do this 2 more times this week before I go up a notch on the gym. It literally has notches and the higher you go, the more resistance you feel. Right now I'm at super beginner mode. But I don't want to kill myself and then hate doing it which always leads to stopping. And I can't stop. I'm too unhealthy right now to stop.
So, that said, I need to get off here and do my elliptical for my 20 minute cardio. Baby steps.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
84.1 kg	0 kg	13.8 kg	Poorly

Add Comment Losing 0.2 kg a Week

11 November 2012

Little successes lead to big successes!!
yeah for me!
i wanted pizza, even got the coupons off the fridge. Then decided that I wasn't really hungry. I was just wanting to snack. So i grabbed a pear and ate it. That was just enough to satisfy me. Thank you, Willpower, very much.

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07 November 2012

I went to the doc today to deal w/ some health issues, mostly structural inflammation. their scales scared the shit out of me so i immediately weighed myself when i got home. Seems my insatiable appetite for sugary carbs has gotten the best of me. The reality that i'm only a bowling ball away from the big 2-0-0 slapped me in the face, really, really hard. So tonight, once again, i pledge to eat healthy and hit the Y more often. once a week doesn't seem to be enough, obviously. Due to the muscular and joint pain, doing heavy cardio workouts like zumba is difficult. I do it but my knees hurt so bad and I am unable to give 100% so I just do what I can. Then the next day the knees are killing me. So I've done a few pilates classes which i really like alot. I will continue to do them and after class will hit the pool for some cardio that doesn't kill the knees.

This is the plan. It's actually been the plan since I joined a month ago, but due to previously planned personal commitments it was tough to stick with it. No more excuses. But, I've said that before.

So, today I took measurements and will make a little poster of the pics I took a few weeks ago with these measurements. Maybe by having this image in front of me on a daily basis I might have incentive to change. I have no fucking idea what is wrong with me. On the way home to get some scripts filled, I bought a tub of ice cream and ate it. It was almost as if it was my last farewell to the good stuff.
Bust: 40.5"
Waist: 34"
Belly Button: 39.75"
hips: 45.75"
Thigh: L26.5" R27.5" (i had knee surgery ages ago and the thigh muscle never built up to match the other one)
Arms: 12

I hope I wake up with a better attitude. I get pissy, hate myself and then eat whatever I can. One of the new meds I'm on for sleep needs to be taken on an empty stomach at bedtime. You have no idea how many times I went to the kitchen to get a snack and had to stop myself. I really wanted the sleep aid that badly. I joked on Facebook that it was a ploy by my doctor make me loose weight. I realized tho that I seem to eat a large percentage of calories in the 2 hrs before bedtime. My desire to sleep is stronger, right now anyway, than my desire to snack. Maybe that's what it takes.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
86.2 kg	0 kg	15.9 kg	Poorly

(1 comment) Gaining 0.5 kg a Week

09 October 2012

well, the food is still an issue. But I did hit the Y again and did a pilates class and swam 6 laps. Next time I swim I'll get up to 8. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I felt great after the pilates class. I was suprised that I was able to keep up about 90% of the time. I did have to modify a couple exercises due to a bad knee and sore back, but I didn't kill myself. From the sore muscles today, I can feel like it was working.
Anyway, I planned on the Y again today since I'm off work but a giant head cold is changing my plans. I guess I could go and do some weight work. Just doing any kind of zumba or swimming with my head in a state of detachment might lead to an aneurysm in my sinus cavity.
One way to get an idea how things look on your body, while I wouldn't recommend it due to the massive amount of xrays inflicted on the body, is to see a ct scan of your abdomen. I had one last winter for a digestive issue and realized the fat on my hips and thighs amounted more than the muscle. I have that image in my mind and hope one day I can reverse it. Till then, I'll work on the exercise till it doesn't seem like a chore. After that I'll focus on the eating. I've been packing healthier choices for lunch so i dont' have to rely on the awful cafeteria choices at work.

But for now I'll have another cup of herbal tea and get some rest.

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