XPrettyXFaceX's Journal

16 to 20 of 116
Page:   Previous  1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8 ...  Next

01 February 2012

30 January 2012

I haven't recorded my food in a few days. Bad me. My eating has been.. OKAY. I started my blech TOTM yesterday, but it's been coming for like 3 days.

I'm still all over the place in my personal life. J and I continue to have sex which is so weird. (That's the bad thing I did last Friday, FYI.) It's amazing though... not all, "I love you and wanna hold you forever kind of sex" but "I want your body and will explore every inch of it kind of sex". It's not confusing me, but it's definitely distracting me from doing what I need to do! He fell asleep in bed with me like Thursday night. He hasn't done that in like 2 months. I remember waking up and looking at him thinking, "Who the hell invited you to sleep in the bed?" lol.. It was awful, but it helped me to realize that the feelings of being in love with him really aren't there, sadly. I'm getting to a point where moving on is inevitable.

On the plus side, the extra workouts are great!

I'm fairly sure I've gained this week because of my TOTM, but I'll weigh in anyway a little later.

27 January 2012

26 January 2012

He told me he needs a friend. He asked me if I could be his friend and at the same time, be his ex-wife. I don't really understand what he needs.. but apparently, he wants someone he can talk to about certain things.. and wants to know if I can remain completely platonic about those things even if they concern me. Then he wants to be able to come to me as my husband/ex-husband and ask me the same things but then get my opinion based on what I have vested into the relationship. I told him that I don't know if I can do that for him. I need some time to reflect on it. I'm so afraid he's going to lose it if he doesn't find a friend soon. I don't want him to lose control. If he does, then he jeoprodizes custody of his son, our son.

I'm in a hell of a situation here. I'm so conflicted. On one hand, I want nothing more than to be able to be that friend that he needs. On the other hand, I don't know if I can invest any more of who I am into him.

That being said, I'm still my number one priority. I'm never going to let myself slip from anything other than my number one priority for any man again. I wake up most days, and I like me. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I don't want to lose that feeling.

I'm still confused about life. I'm still not 100% sure of what I want to get out of life. I don't know what I want to do with my life or where I want to be 5 years from now other than the fact that I want to be smiling.

It's still hard, but it's much easier..

Every day is easier.

Can I be what he needs me to be in a friend? I suppose that's my serious question.

Dinner tonight with friends (hibachi=sodium heartattack) and bowling afterwards. I'm looking forward to it.

25 January 2012



XPrettyXFaceX's Weight History


Get the app
    
© 2024 FatSecret. All rights reserved.