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I'll call this entry the deconstruction of a binge.
I figure if I analyze it I'll be able to prevent it. But judging by the past, the analysis has not been fruitful!
I was invited for 5 oclock supper last evening. I was famished before getting there. And I didn't want a supper where I'd be wanting more but too embarrassed to take my desired share, I had two small toast with peanut butter before arriving.
I brought an entree of fake crab salad and crackers. That was the only entree there and while the host was preparing, I was with the guest, eating and having a decent time.
A serve yourself supper finally arrived, and I served myself decent portions.
A healthy supper of turkey, potatoes, carrots, broccoli, sauce.
I didn't have wine but then the desserts came. And of course, I partook.
I got home around nine, and fought with the idea of going to the convenience store to get some wine. I'm doing so well, having decided not to dring, except for once a month. But then, I wrestled with the idea of having along ago favorite of mine, chips and Pepsi! And not small bags of chips, nor a small bottle of pepsi, while watching tv.
Of course an addiction is cunning. The mind plays out thoughts 'oh, I've not had chips in a long while.' And the funny part is, maybe 2 to 3 weeks ago, I saw someone on a TV show eating Cheetos! And since then, Cheetos have been on the back burner of my mind.
So, along came the Cheetos, and I 'went to town', as they say.
I knew what I was doing, and gave myself permission. Is it an irresistable impulse, or an impulse not resisted?
let's say, I didn't want to go through all of the gnawing of this urge and wanted to stop it.
Binge deconstructed!
knowing this, how do I stop the next urges, because I've been down this path many times and am fed up of going there. The whole experience is akin to having a 'party in my mouth' and not wanting to end it.
And the funny thing is there is no 'I'm full signal' from my brain. Or 'I can't eat another morcel'. I could have kept on and on till i became sick. I didn't, the Pepsi had the gas that made shook me out of it. It's like a train I can't stop.
I have no control over food in a social situation. But I can't just live under a rock!
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