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[WARNING VERY EMO AND BORING ENTRY, SKIP IF IN A GOOD MOOD] Okaayy. so havent been on this site for a while now as i feel like i got my sh#t sorted and dont need any support etc. anymore.... wrong. somehow this journal entry stuff works. kinda makes you feel better anywayz. so long story short i realized once again (once and for all this time!!! ) that MY EATING HABITS ARE DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO MY DEPRESSION/HAPPINESS LEVEL moving to my own place must've been the biggest change in my life thus far and its testing my emotional and mental well-being to the max. i knew this and i wanted to take up the challenge. as per my previous entry i know i said i lost alot of weight due to not eating at all sometimes which is fantastic lol but still not healthy. now im taking a bit of a dip again and past 2 weeks indulged in anything that made me feel better again. i can deffinately say that my breakup with Fiance and alot of other things screwed me up good.Bottom line is everyone has a "Jerry Springer" story but its just your decision how you want to deal with it. kinda scared me to see that that "eating disorder" demon still lurks inside me though. without noticing it i fell into the "black hole" again and find it hard to even just get up in the morning and feel soooooo disappointed in myself (very angry at myself the whole time like i dont even wona look at myself) its so rediculous i know. like wtf why isit so complicated. its not just eating etc. sooooo many other factors involved here which only surfaces when one is at his/her lowest. if you dont deal with those roots of your issues you wont ever be able to flourish :( on the bright side whilst im B#%tching my heart out here in utter shame and disappointment, im busy having my tasteless green tea like good old times and have prepared my usual healthy lunch this morning. that should count for something lolz
Nonetheless FS friends. i STILL refuse to drown and i WILL come out on top and live my life!!! hope you all stay strong and kick your own goals asses!!! :)
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