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So my roller coaster of emotions has yet to stop. Yesterday was relaxing when it wasn't upsetting. I've been working really hard to listen to everything the BF has to say without being judgmental. I'm reading this fantastic book called "The Ethical Slut" that's really opened my mind about how to communicate. The main focus of the book is dealing with non-monogamous relationships BUT it helps navigate the emotions of every relationship. Face it, there's always going to be jealousy, conflict, and sadness that go hand in hand with love and happiness. I definitely recommend it. It's really well written and really funny at times.
So I'll read a couple of chapters in this book and get really calm and at peace then talk to the BF and get really frustrated and upset. That was yesterday's cycle. Today I'm just sad. I've told the BF multiple times that I'm not happy with one thing he's been doing and then he does it again. And again. I try to compromise and work around him but he doesn't. He said he's finally learned that he needs to work to keep me. He obviously hasn't. I know he's not doing this thing to hurt or upset me but it's disrespectful to continue when I've mentioned that it does.
Chin up and back to work.
<iframe width="420" height="345" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ed7b733KmGI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
This singer is a creeper but it's a good song. Also, if a question arrives because of the video I'm NOT suicidal but apparently the guy that made the video was.
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1613 kcal
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Fat: 70.11g | Prot: 121.73g | Carbs: 125.66g.
Breakfast: milk, egg, cream cheese dip. Lunch: feta, tomato, cucumber, low fat ranch, green pepper, chicken breast, romain. Dinner: cake, pork loin, red beans and rice. Snacks/Other: dried fruit, peanuts, cottage cheese. more...
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1756 kcal
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Exercise:
Housework - 2 hours, Walking (moderate) - 5/kph - 35 minutes, Resting - 13 hours and 25 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
blagh...good luck with everything...honestly if you just keep going in circles, why bother? Sometimes it takes more strength to let go of a relationship than to hold on...take care hun
22 Aug 11 by member: NoChubbyMom
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Gotta agree with Shanna on this one. Sorry you are going through the emotional roller coaster still, hopefully it comes to a stop soon... also, we have incredibly similar taste in music lol
22 Aug 11 by member: pixidaisy
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I know what you mean about the boyfriend saying he needs to work to keep you but then not seeming to do anything about it and also about repeating things that you have said upset you.
Have you been able to give him specific examples, my ex couldnt quite get what I was saying until I was able to give him specific examples but sometimes what he would do would upset me but then I couldnt put into words what exactly he had done.
Have you read the book the language of love? its really good and is about all the different ways people show their love. It helped me to see the ways my ex and I differed in how we showed out love.
Chin up!
22 Aug 11 by member: allieaac
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Thanks ladies. I definitely agree that I no longer want to go in circles. This weekend made a huge difference on what I wanted to do relationship-wise. While I would love to work out everything I just don't think it's going to happen. But as it were, I don't want to end anything over the phone and I'm not visiting until Labor Day weekend. So either something will click before then or we'll pull the plug. Ultimately I want to be happy and for the last couple of weeks every time I get off the phone with him I'm unhappy. That's not how a relationship should be. And Allie, I give him examples all the time of things that upset me that he does. But he doesn't get it through. I may look into that book after I finish the one I'm on. Everyone does have different ways of showing appreciation and love; maybe I just have a hard time seeing his and vice-versa.
22 Aug 11 by member: kziemianski
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I admire the fact that you will not do any breaking up over the phone, I always feel that is so.... impersonal and kind of douchey to be honest.
22 Aug 11 by member: pixidaisy
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Yeah, I definitely think that anything so intimate should be done in person. And it's not like I don't care about him, so doing the right thing is the only choice. PS I totally enjoy having the same taste in music as you! Makes sharing videos more fun :D
22 Aug 11 by member: kziemianski
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K I had a really hard time with feeling like my ex didnt care because he isnt the most affectionate person but he would do tons of little things for me like build me a raised bed garden, and my hydranga bush (I know cant spell) was in the sun to much and dying and he moved it, he would clean the house or hang a pictures for me. He didn a lot of things for me that showed me he was listening when I said I wanted something or needed to do something so I had to realize that he was doing those things to shoe me he cared.
22 Aug 11 by member: allieaac
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Allie, those are the things that I can understand showing love. My best example of this is my father. He's totally not affectionate but when I go home he always checks my car out (fills fluids, tires) and I know that's his way of making sure that I'm alright. With the BF I'm having a hard time... maybe because he's too affectionate the other way? He'll cuddle and say he loves me but he didn't share in our combined workload even when I'd bring up how stressed I was about having to take care of the entire apartment.
22 Aug 11 by member: kziemianski
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Yea, I know what you mean on the not keeping up the apartment. My ex always had the cleaner apartment when we started dating but I worked full time and he worked part time and was in school part time so I didnt feel like cleaning my apartment after I got off work and he would clean his. When we moved in together he still worked part time and kept the house clean but then once he got a full time job that he had to wake up early for and work until the same time I did he stopped with the upkeep.
did your boyfriends mom baby him? Like did she do his laundry and clean up his dishes and stuff when he was living at home? I dated a guy who's mom did that for him for too long and so he never did any cleaning or anything even when he would come to my apartment to hang out.
If I were in your situation (I know you dont live together right now) but I would just only take care of my stuff let him do his own laundry and clean up his own mess. Its easier to not do something when someone else eventually does it.
22 Aug 11 by member: allieaac
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