I know exactly what you mean. Our loved ones see past our weight. My husband always says he never saw me as an overweight person. And when he says body shaming stuff about others, it bothers me, but I have to remember that it's not directed towards me.
15 Sep 23 by member: lettygaylor
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That would be easier if it wasn’t his go to during a bad argument. He’s not even fit himself! He’s not bad by any means, but it’s also not like he has a ton of room to talk when he’s not in the best shape he could be in himself. I don’t dare make comments though. I encourage everyone in my house to just be healthy and positive.
15 Sep 23 by member: Cass393
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I want to share some empowerment with you. It is time to set a clear boundary with your fiancé. Tell him that his body shaming comments are hurting you and ask him to stop. If his response back to you is kind, loving, and apologetic he will continue to respect your boundary. If his response is defensive or hurtful he is not honoring your boundary. If you try multiple times to set the same boundary and he continues to body shame then perhaps you can add a stronger boundary such as telling him you want to go to couples therapy. You deserve to have your boundary honored by the man you love and want to marry. You seem like a loving and caring person and I stand beside you with much respect and support. ❤️
15 Sep 23 by member: shanekwa
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A visual thought has worked for me when my husband makes snide remarks about me directly. I imagine that I am holding a mirror facing him because his opinion reflects on him and not necessarily on me.
15 Sep 23 by member: hopeful39
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this is a toxic trait and I'm terribly sorry you have to deal with that... there needs to be some uplifting comments being said instead. if he refuses to hear you when you express how it makes you uncomfortable then that is a very telling sign...
15 Sep 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
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15 Sep 23 by member: mcqueensue98
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15 Sep 23 by member: tom68499
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It’s very difficult with him. Although some of us learn not to be products of our upbringing, he is one stuck there. It’s not all bad, but yes he is harsh and we are very different in many ways. That makes it difficult for me, because I am a loving person and will go out of my way to make others feel good. I know what it’s like to be down, and don’t want anyone else to feel that. I do think he worries I will leave if I’m thinner. I’ve tuned down other options because I do love him. He’s an idiot about that. I feel the person you’re with should make you feel beautiful every day, inside and out.
Thank you guys for the ideas and kind words and support. I definitely am not going to let him set me back on my goals. They are mine and important to me.
15 Sep 23 by member: Cass393
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Why is he concerned about how other people look? Might suggest to him to put more thought into his own health and fitness.
15 Sep 23 by member: @philrmcknight
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For my opinion when people are making comments towards other people they are really insecure about themself.
My bf used to comment on other people. And I had a convo with him, that it hurts me and it important for me not to hear it. I feel uncomfortable to be a part of the conversations like that. He understood and stopped after 3-5 talks. I shut it down with very serious face, looking into his eyes. I said “I don’t feel comfortable or entertain to be a part of this type of conversations”
15 Sep 23 by member: sweet_oceanbaby
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Remember that saying about someone who is kind to you but mean to others? That is not a kind person. Not really. Eventually those insecurities will be directed at you. I'm so sorry but that's what will happen.
15 Sep 23 by member: March Archer
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It does happen. We’ve been off and on for over 5 years. I didn’t write this for any sympathy, so please don’t think that. I was just assuming that at some point someone must have come across people like this, and sometimes I just need some advice on dealing with it.
15 Sep 23 by member: Cass393
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I was in a similar predicament, I’m seeing this girl and she made a remark. She said “I can’t believe you look like you do eating the foods you eat” in which I told her it’s perks of muscles! Then she’s like “I only do cardio” so I showed her a picture of a fit chick that lifts and that just cuz a woman pick up a weight doesn’t mean she’ll automatically look like Mr. Olympia and can look sexy. She then took offense and said so I would like her more if she got fitter. I told her yea I’m not gonna lie.. which is the truth. I wasn’t trying to make fun of her or insult her. And even told her that even if she stays the same which I already like her. Turned into a big fight of her saying I implied calling her fat. Which I wasn’t, but I don’t think fat when used in a manner to not make fun or hurt someone should be a bad thing? In your case he’s shaming them so it’s bad. Especially women your size, it shows he’s inconsiderate of your feelings.
15 Sep 23 by member: Supergainz1
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Not a good sign of the viability of a Looong term relationship
15 Sep 23 by member: Kenna Morton
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15 Sep 23 by member: darbiz04
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All people need to think more positive thoughts and ignore those that are negative. Me included. I try.
15 Sep 23 by member: -MorticiaAddams
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Cass, I saw your post this morning but couldn’t figure out what to say so I just gave it a 💚 and kept scrolling. Well, the whole day has gone by, more people have commented and I’m still stumped. From what you’ve shared you’re trying to improve your health while dealing with a blended family that isn’t necessarily always on the same page with your goals. Your guy insults other people (strangers), and you, when the $&?!! hits the fan, about body image but can’t see his own issues. Have you asked him why he needs to be so judgmental? Does he secretly want you to grab a bag of chips and join him on the couch? Sorry if this is coming off harsh — there must be good reasons why you are still in this relationship — but I still don’t get it. And if I’ve offended you, please accept my apologies and delete this post. But you seem like a much nicer person than the way you are being treated.
15 Sep 23 by member: RhumbaGirl
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Supergainz1, I wouldn’t have taken offense to that at all! Muscle mass makes a huge difference in a physique, and fit people like to be with like minded people sometimes. I encourage better eating in our house all the time. I use weights as part of my routine. My body doesn’t look good at a low weight, and I love my curves. If I was more sedentary I could see being called “fat” in the bad way. I am active every day and for the most part eat well. I’ve been all sorts of weights, but know exactly where I was happiest and felt toned, yet still rounded out nicely. I get he may not see me as “fat”, but it bothers me even for the others he speaks of. And just hard not to imagine he views me as such sometimes. I’m honestly a 15/10 compared to some he’s been with (told this by various people and not just my own opinion), but I still don’t shame people. Everyone has their own story and struggle and health issues, and it’s not my place to judge them. Unless you’re my kid…then I’m going to make you eat a salad here and there and get some exercise! lol
15 Sep 23 by member: Cass393
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RhumbaGirl, no offense taken. I’m asked all the time why I stay. Can’t always help who you love or why you love them. When it’s good, it’s so amazingly good. He does try to get me to enjoy bad foods with him all the time. I feel like I need to make up a medical issue so he just stops. Like I said before, I do think he feels threatened by it; because he knows I have options, and also his own body issues. But that isn’t my problem when I’ve proven that’s not what I’m here for. My brain has trouble understanding why some people are just mean about certain things.
And yes, the blended family part is rough. His ex doesn’t really cook, so it’s a battle getting his kids to eat the good home cooked foods we make. Like god forbid I serve vegetables at every meal and expect the one to drink some milk!
I get convenience, but if you’re not working full time even, cook some real food and make sure you’re children are healthy. It’s not that hard. I have tons of “picky eater” recipes that I’ve made over the years. Him and I love to cook, but hard when they’re used to canned stuff and ramen and Mac n cheese. 🙁
15 Sep 23 by member: Cass393
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I agree with you that the "fat shaming" of others is a real TURNOFF!
However I am. Much more concerned about his name calling during an argument with you. That is a slippery slope. Verbal Abuse is often a precursor to Physical Abuse. That even in anger a significant other resorts to the most vulnerable point to attack, is a Red Flag. You need to consider if this is the role model you want for your kids. You and the kids may be safe for now, but for how long? Would you be comfortable with your child treating others this way. Prayers that you find the right answers.
15 Sep 23 by member: SLYONE 22
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