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I don't know what happened.
In a bid to curtail the cooking and food preparation, I started drinking smoothies with some fruit juice, protein powder, banana, seeds, carrot and anything healthy I could think of. I bought a Vitamix this fall.
Then I got into canned foods, and it seems that's where everything went somehow haywire. I was always hungry or looking to eat. And, by the way, I tasted a tad of HELL, I'm sure.
At my peak, I was walking outside and the hunger became increasing, but in a relentless way, and obsessive way where they only thing I could think of was of eating. And eating something I really like. It wasn't only physical hunger. Physical hunger I can deal with.
Next thing you know, I'm at the grocery store buying a tub of ice cream and a small pecan pie. Come home, and sure enough ate the whole pie. The next day, ate some ice cream, and the next day after than finished the whole thing in one sitting. And it was way too much.
And the really strange part is that I had no satiety. I could have easily keep on eating it and eating it. In fact,had I had another tub, I might of have. There was no fullness! No sign from my stomac that I was full. Not one iota. There was no 'oh, I can't possibly have another bite'! I'm sure I could have had another tub, easily! (this is really embarrassing!)
So what I got out of that experience is that I know exactly how an addict feels when he wants that next fix. That obsessiveness of always being hungry culminating in a peak where I just had to have it. It was an awful feeling. That is HELL! You have to experience it to fully understand it and it gives me such an understanding of how alcoholics must feel. It was unrelentless and I was so absorbed in the need that I couldn't see anything else. I was all absorbed. My mind was not with me.
After that experience, I tried to draw from my repertory of experiences where in my past was I ok with food. Where is it exactly where I don't suffer from hunger? And what I came up with is that it's when I go out for breakfast having eggs and bacon, and toasts with a lot of butter. In other words, fat and protein keep me satiated, for hours. Problem with that is that fat and meat are calorie dense. Nevertheless, if I'm satiated and don't think about food for hours, in the long run, cutting down should be the next step. and easy enough.
So, it is a chemical or a reaction to sugar in the bloodstream? Or a reaction to processed foods.
Dr. Phil once said that the fat cells have a life of their own! And, I truly wonder if once created, they do! They want to survive and their own terms! And do they send a message to the brain ensuring their survival. I know it sounds funny, but I do believe that everything that is created wants to survive. Would it be different? Too bad we don't have the skinny cells.
Anyway, I'll never forget that experience. I can't explain but it does explain why addicts have such a low rate of recovery. It's like battling Satan himself!
I need to ensure a good ratio of the proper kinds of foods for my sanity and to reach my goal. I don't want to spend my life obsessing about food. Planning it, yes, obsessing no. I want to eat and forget about it, and then eat the next meal, and then forget about it and then eat the next meal and then go to bed and start all over. I'm so fed up that food is taking such a large chunk of my life! Damn!
I'm sorta weaning myself off of carbs right now, eating more fat and protein. I'll be doing something akin to the Atkins. (me that wanted to give up meat!)
Thanks Classic Rocker for taking the time to pm me with your kind advice. I was pretty much on that path by the time I took your message. I trust your good intentions, so it's always a pleasure to see that you care enough to take the time and trouble to write. I accept with gratitude advice.
I'm not giving up. Although, righ now, I don't think weight wise, the scale would point to the right direction. This is temporary till I get my sh** together.
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