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Tomorrow is weigh in day for me. Funny how the mind works, a lot of little things bothering that came to a head and made me blow my diet (or lifestyle).
I've lost 20 something pounds but every morning I get up and face sliding door mirrors from the closet. And my first sight is my stomac and every morning I try to notice if I look thinner.
Well, no, I don't feel that I do... expectations are disappointed every morning. (are we there yet?)
And, putting on my clothes is the same. My jeans feel loose but not in the right places. My legs are baggy but the stomac is still tight!
Fact is, I'm losing weight but it's from my frame and the proportions are kept. Which means, my belly, breast, stick out as much as they did at the very beginning. I seem to keep my fat proportions.
And I think tonight is the culmination of these feelings of disappointment, which made me just blow everything out of the water.
It sucks, besides the scale, I don't see much of any progress, for all the months I've really been eating healthy and abandoning a lot of what I like.
I like what I'm eating, but my eating is purposeful for health and weight loss and not enjoyment. If it were purely for enjoyement, it would be altogether another menu. (of course) SUCKS! SUCKS! SUCKS!
I feel my efforts are not meet with the anticipated or even better, the merited success.
But I kind of don't have a choice. Going back to unhealthy eating as a way of life is not an option. I know too much to go back to my old way.
In my view of LIFE IN GENERAL, you either spiral up or spiral down. Nothing is stagnant in life.
Yes, I'm really down.
It's really discouraging, and I'm discouraged. I'm not where I want to be and feel shortchanged. I feel I give up so much (coffee, wine,sweets,desserts and a partridge in a pair tree) that I should be reaping rewards. Why is it so complicated for me? Do I need to stand on my head?
A way that I've noticed never fails is to constantly record my food intake. But that such slavery, I just can't seem to stick to that discipline. I have other things to do!! Do I really have to mesure vegetables in a salad, or (1) T of salad oil?
venting here!
but that's what journaling is all about.
I'll finish my wine now...
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