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I'm a mess this morning.
My only 25 y.o. child, son, is moving out next month. And oddly enough, Ive been fine with it. Even kind of looking forward to it, living alone. It'll be the first time in my life.
And, the sadness came to me this morning, by the oddest event.
Each night, when my son goes out, I leave my bedroom door open. When he comes in late, he closes it. in the middle of the night, I always wake up and check if the door is closed. It's my cue that he's home and safe.
Well, that's what I'll miss. Knowing that he's home.
I guess that I'll just have to take a leap of faith and believe that he made it home safe and sound.
I've know about his departure for months, and haven't been affected. But his morning, I can't stop crying.
I also know that I've prepared him, the most I could, to be self sufficient. (he still has a way to go, for life skills). But I've taught him to be responsible with his money, his credit rating, his bills. I've provided him with the opportunity for schooling. That was my job as a parent. To make a child an adult, ready to fly solo. I've taken that job seriously. I've also mothered him (cooked his meals frequently but not always, and taken care of the common spaces in the house). He took care of his room, his washing, ironing, his bills. He was never demanding. The only area where he was hard to live with was when he was unhappy about his life. Then he was sullen, taciturn and had to be left alone. It wasn't fun and it happened quite often. I got on his nerve. It wasn't good for my self esteem. I work from home and to barely seen anyone, and then the only person you do see seems to be bothered by your mere presence... I know it's not personal, it's just a 25 year old boy living with a 52 year old mother. And being unhappy about it.
It's another chapter in my life starting. Up till now I've been excited about it. Why the heck all of a sudden am I so sad?
Set off by the closing of my bedroom door.
Anyway, I must get over this and not put him through this for 2 weeks. It would make him feel so bad about leaving. And, his job is not about his mother, it's about living his life.
Funny thing is, since I've been taking care of myself, he seems to be happier. I think he really hates it when I let myself go. And he's been also taking better care of himself in the food dept.
I'm so proud of him, he decided months ago to quit soft drinks and this all on his own! And he also quit Reeses which he just loved and almost had nightly. (he was a bit chubby, 15 to 20 lbs overweight)
He's got a head on his shoulders. (thank God!)
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