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Today has been much better than yesterday. When things are bad I alternate between fighting back the tears and holding in the anger. I find it difficult to dump the negative feelings when things return to an even keel. What makes it worse is that OH is a lovely kind and thoughtful person with a great sense of humour that will chat to anyone and everyone likes him. No-one would believe me if I told them what he can turn into. He tells everyone how good I am at looking after him and how wonderful I am. I have tried to tell my daughter and my GP what is going on, but my daughter said 'wouldn't you be fed up if you felt ill' and my GP said that 'things were difficult' for him. If he had behaved like this before he was ill I would have left him. When he is calm and I tell him how he has made me feel, he is ashamed but dismisses it by saying 'you know I don't mean it' and then refuses to discuss it any further. He isn't physically violent(apart from sweeping things off the table and throwing things on the floor. Answering back makes it worse as does silence. I've tried taking the dog for a walk but he just waits for me to return. Jekyl and Hyde comes to mind. OK rant over.
I've had a cooking day today and have made butternut squash soup,cauliflower soup, baked jacket potatoes and 2 casseroles, 1 beef and 1 pork for the freezer. Unfortunately, I finished it all off with a banana, cinnamon and raisin cake. I've eaten 2 pieces so far and even if I do say so myself its pretty damned good!
With a bit of luck I'm off to the charity shop in the morning so I'd better get off to bed or I won't be up in time. Night night..zzzzzz.....
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