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I was meaning to come record about how I had scheduled a massage and was feeling better today.
I was really meaning to write about that, but I had someone just send me the rudest e-mail where I was basically attacked for things I did three years ago when I was suicidal and then the nastiness delved into a what a horrible human being I am and how I'm a bitch and it's my own fault that I'm miserable.
I'm kind of shaking with rage right now. I don't care if someone thinks I'm a bitch, hey, you can call me that to my face. But how dare, HOW DARE anyone attack me for being depressed and suicidal. That is NOT something that anyone should be attacked for EVER. EVER.
For those who've been following along, I have a pretty rough history but have been in good recovery for over a year. With the exception of a few bad PMS days, I've been generally upbeat and happy but to have this thrown in my face. God, let's just say she's REALLY lucky she's not in my reaching distance. I want to talk about the self-care massage and other stuff but all I can think of now is how amazingly pissed off I am.
I wish I could say that I'm far enough along that this doesn't hurt but it does. It hurts to be attacked for being sick for years because it's an easy target. It's time to purge my life of toxic people.
Affirmations for today:
1) I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness
2) I do not have to take anyone's abuse
3) Anyone who thinks it's okay for me to be treated like this is someone I don't need in my life.
View Diet Calendar, 21 September 2010:
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1628 kcal
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Fat: 42.88g | Prot: 107.74g | Carbs: 215.47g.
Breakfast: Green Tea, Black Tea Bags, Greek Style Nonfat Yogurt - Pomegranate, Cheese Wedges, Bagel Thins - 100% Whole Wheat. Lunch: Buffalo Style Chicken Breast, Apples, pepperidge farms deli flats 7 grains, Sliced Lite Provolone Cheese, Rold Gold Pretzel Sticks, Baby Carrots, Bottled Water. Dinner: Coke Zero, Chicken Burrito Bol. Snacks/Other: TLC cranberry walnut fruit & grain bar, TLC Cereal Bars - Ripe Strawberry, Bottled Water. more...
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3652 kcal
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Exercise:
Walking (slow) - 3/kph - 10 minutes, Shopping - 20 minutes, Housework - 30 minutes, Driving - 1 hour and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 10 minutes, Sitting - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 11 hours, Resting - 1 hour and 45 minutes. more...
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 Comments
That's the ticket! Let go of the anger, let go of the past. Life is too short to live there. Enjoy your new life, your new accomplishments.
21 Sep 10 by member: Runesinger
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And in the words of the Duke of Windsor, when he was exiled to the Bahamas. "Living well is the best revenge."
21 Sep 10 by member: Runesinger
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Thanks, I'm just angry and hurt - I'm a little sensitive about my past but I'm also hurt that people that I thought were friends weren't upset with the person who did this.
21 Sep 10 by member: suechru
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Oh, the latest accusation is now that I'm a cocky bitch that I got my life in order and basically deserve this for being so self centered. I got an email about that this morning. Part of this process is dropping everything that's holding me back - pounds AND people. This has been brewing for at least a year, I should've really cut ties with these people last year.
22 Sep 10 by member: suechru
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"... I should've really cut ties with these people last year"
understatement of the week
smooches, darling
you may have already (or will soon) learn (through self-realization, perhaps aided by a skilled and caring therapist) that letting haters ruin your day is all part of the self-destructive cycle that goes with over-eating, over-drinking, over-whatever.
seriously, you are giving this hater power by even having written about it, so be done with them and this incident. but also forgive. being angry and hurt will continue to eat at you (no pun intended). You can "hate" the actions and the behaviors but can still find it in your heart to forgive the PERSON. Which also, by the way, holds true for yourself. If you continue to 'hate' what you used to be, the old you will still hold power over you.
be strong, you CAN do this!!!
22 Sep 10 by member: hockeyGRRL
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Ah ... Sue ... people can be so cruel. You KNOW your truth. Your story is yours ... if others have a difficult time with it ... then they obviously are not really your friends. Don't let the anger hurt you. I like your idea ... drop them. Let them go along with any other baggage that feeds the "black" dog. I know it hurts ... I tend to take things very personally myself. I'm happy to have you as my buddy ... I find your posts interesting and full of life. Take care ... be good to yourself ... you very much deserve it!
22 Sep 10 by member: madaboutmoose
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I am one of those people that when someone says something hurtful, I take it very personally, and it really hurts. The hardest thing in the world to do is to let it go, but that is what you must do. Carrying around the words of this person in your heart will only hurt you! And it sounds to me as if that is the intention of whoever this "person" is that sent such a hurtful message. Block them from you email list, delete them from your friends file, and forget that they ever existed. Hard, but it is possible, and when you do, you will be much better off. I suspect that the true motivation behind this hate filled rant is jealousy. Some people simply cannot feel happy for another when they finally start to achieve their goals. At this point, the most important pounds to drop, are those of the people who are so toxic and who wish nothing more than to drag you back down into their nasty little world! Don't let this derail you, you've come too far!! We are all right here for you and you are going to come through this with flying colors. Now enjoy that massage!!
22 Sep 10 by member: ctlss
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Thanks so much everyone. I should clarify that I'm not actually friends anymore with the person who sent the nastiness because I know she's a vile excuse for a human being (a friend of mine seriously considered getting a restraining order against her.) What bugs is that three OTHER friends are supposedly giving psycho bitch a pass. One actually told me she doesn't want to be involved and another pretty much blamed me for the whole thing this morning via email (hence the comment about how I'm a self centered bitch, which is what he said in not so many words).
I freely admit that in the past I let people mistreat me because I felt so rotten about myself. I kind of outgrew some of these people last year, but felt an obligation because they were good friends when I was so screwed up. Any debt I had to them though has long been repaid and it doesn't give them an excuse to treat me like this,
Someone upthread mentioned jealousy and I think that might be spot on. I'm at least five years younger than these people (and more like ten or fifteen in some cases) and I'm doing stuff at 30 that they can't do at 4o. I noticed a dramatic shift when I got the new job and these people deliberately avoided my celebration hh. Suddenly they were all "busy" that night
22 Sep 10 by member: suechru
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I know what that feels like. I am living in the aftermath of severe depression I've only recently been pulled from. I am surrounded by mess and dysfunction in my house and with my chronic pain it has so far been impossible for me to clean my house. The one person I have to depend on to help me with other areas of my life for now(helping me with my son and running errands for me when I am in too much pain to do so), also is the one person who throws my depression and mistakes and messy house in my face. And that is just the most recent of incidents. So, please know that I can understand how you feel. I don't know the motivations behind the person who wrote to you nor do I know if this is someone you really *can* cross out of your life. If it is I hope you do so. Regardless, you know your heart and you know what you've been through. It seems pretty obvious to me that the person who wrote you is having problems of their own to feel it a necessity to bring up things from your past s/he is certain must hurt you. Try not to let them control how you feel. I, personally, try to remind myself that when people are intentionally mean or hurtful, it often comes from a place of fear and/or hurt inside them and take pity on them.
I'd love a massage!
22 Sep 10 by member: odyssey
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Oh, the person was deliberately being cruel. Her email included how she knew love and I didn't because I'm such a bitch no one would want to put up with me or my bullshit. She directly targeted every weak spot she could find, as she's a bully and that's what they do.
22 Sep 10 by member: suechru
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