jsfantome's Journal, 27 Jan 13

This could likely be a long journal...just forewarning you! :)

It's been a journey, to say the least...but uncovering some of the reasons I continue to turn to food to soothe my bruised soul, has been helpful in that it makes me more aware.

When I am 'feeling' a lot of emotion, be it...sadness or grief, or happiness and joy... I tend to turn to food.

Knowing this...WOW! That has been one of those 'lightbulb' moments that is a life changer for me. Now I have the opportunity to see it...to own it, and to hold myself accountable while it is happening.

Thing is when the emotions are tough - it is a tough conversation to have w/ oneself. To say you actually care about yourself and what you are choosing to eat or not...when you are feeling emotionally all torn up...well, that is when I just MUST turn around and walk right back out of the kitchen.

I might come here to the computer, or read a passage in scripture...I might just sit and have a good cry over something...but to abuse myself further with food - becomes the worst of all choices. Because tomorrow I will feel different. I will be different. And I will have to deal w/ the weakness of soothing w/ food and the ripple effects these choices keep having on my system.

One step forward and two back is no way to ever get to my goals. Not w/ food, or with anything in life.

So, I am challenging you - to really look at your habits. When you 'snack' or 'over indulge' - can you define why you move away from your 'focus' on what you need to do... to the place where you lack accountability and let all guards down and just hide from yourself for a few moments of 'food pleasure'.

Where is the source inside coming from? Is it pain? And if so - can you find other ways to deal w/ that other than food?

I can 'manage' my food issues and forever stay 15-20 lbs overweight.

But something inside of me knows this is the weaker way to handle the rest of what is going on inside of me.

The stronger way... requires honesty. And responsibility on my part to make changes. Good changes. Ones I can live with.

Food for thought!!!